This term, is almost a word of taboo in the society, people dislike this word. People are really afraid of this word, because of their inner egoism and pride. But, I hope that from time to time, we will remember that our life is not only about our failures, we are constantly growing as a person, even though you do not think or feel so. We are never the same person as yesterday, 2 weeks ago, or even 10 years ago. Failure is inevitable, and no matter how successful you are (whatever your definition of success means), nothing in life is ever as smooth as a straight road. There is no compass that tells you any direction you should take in your life. Although, there are various factors that could direct the compass, these are such as your family, friends and the people around you. They could advice, suggest or guide you what you should do, but ultimately the decision is still yours. No one or anybody should dictate how you should live your life. However, that does not mean being adamant about something. There is a subtle difference between adamant and perseverance. I am strongly aware that it is not easy to completely sift out other people’s opinions, especially those that you care dearly. It definitely is not easy moving on with your failures and shortcomings, but I hope that through this piece of writing, it could facilitate those who are struggling at this moment. I am still and one of the victims of trying to move past my own shortcomings, and it really isn’t easy when at time you are just sitting in a quiet room with yourself, and you keep being reminded of your own past. Thoughts like ‘I should have tried harder’, ‘ I should have tried better’, ‘What went wrong’ , ‘Am I too stupid’ , ‘ Am I dumb’, all those negative emotions start kicking in like tsunami. This train of thoughts are literally unstoppable, IF you do not ACCEPT it. I rather not say ‘put a stop to it’, because part of your life learning exercise, is to analyse why are you feeling this way? Know the lesson of critical thinking? Emotions and feelings are the same; you just need to use some critical thinking skills to approach the issue of failure.
Now let us begin:
If you type out the definition of Failure, it means the “lack” of success that means you are short on something or an additional thing for you to reach to a successful stage. So, it literally means that. Perhaps, it is time to re-define what YOUR version of what failure means. It would be best not to impose other’s definitions upon you, as that will just annihilate you as a person and human being.
Perhaps, you are now in a setback, and you feel like you are not attaining the expectation that you had set from the beginning, now you just need to adjust your expectation to your current situation.
Approach the failure as a problem, rather than an incident, this will definitely change you as a person. No one really shares about their short comings and failures in their life, because it makes people vulnerable and weak. No one wants to look bad. Who does? As a fellow human being myself, I am also an accomplice to chasing this idea of “perfectionism.” When in truth, this idea is fallible, as there is no way a human can just live through life that easily, without going through pain and/or suffering. We are only humans. Accept and be open to that as a human being, we are capable of making mistakes too.
- Use failure as a tool to find better and improved solutions:
If you ever ponder why you failed, it just simply means that your method is incorrect and wrong to obtain a successful outcome. Analyse why did you fail, and what are the next steps that you could take in order to bring a better outcome.
- Look at your failure objectively:
Take for example, if your fellow friend, family members or the others came to your for an advice, how would you advice them? Sometimes as human beings, we get so caught up with our problems that we lose sight of the solution to the problem. Problems are never as complicated as it can ever be, it is only complicated within the depth of our mind. Our mind is a strange thing, and it is capable of putting one in a maze. Our mind never seems to stop chattering away and it keeps creating problems over one another. So if you can, treat your problems objectively like giving an advice to other people.
1) Do not be fearful, ashamed or humiliated with your failures:
Perhaps, you may have met people whom you know for certain would judge you for your failure. But if you think it deeper, no matter how successful you are, you will still be judged anyway. So, why do you feel fearful, ashamed or humiliated? Failing is NORMAL. Although, there is nothing wrong with the judgmental people’s approach and if they feel that there is a need to belittle your shortcomings, let it be and let it go. Do not let their emotions take your right to feel good and be free of yourself.
2) You are on your own journey, not theirs so, don’t compare.
The trap of comparing yourself to others is extremely dangerous, because, you start living on others people’s standard of life rather than yours. You should REALLY be living your own journey, not theirs. My name is Duan Zeav, and your name is perhaps Molly, Daisy, Tom, Dick or Harry. We all have different names, appearances, body size and characteristics. We do not live in some sort of homogenous and dystopian world where we have to live the same way, method to achieve a determined outcome. How in the world can we possibly be living the same life and journey, attaining the same outcome? That in itself is an absurd idea.
Yes, some may argue that the accepted or respected concept is that you have achieved success associated in the forms of ‘money, status, and beauty.’ That could be the choice of their living expectation, but it does not necessarily have to be true to you.
I am not saying that you should laze your days away, not finding a solution for yourself to keep surviving and going. As the world that we are living in requires us to earn money in order to live on. The advice here is telling you to not put your mind, heart, body, and emotions into a whirlpool where you keep telling yourself, that you are not good enough.
Nobody is born great, and there are times you can blame your circumstances or your situation for it. But the change will not happen when you blame others for your shortcomings. Only when we actually accept and find a solution to our shortcomings, then we can be a better version of ourselves. So do not let one small event determine your whole life. It is your attitude and mindset that will bring you to a place where you never expected yourself to be in. Just enjoy the ride of your life.
Honestly. There are many blog posts and sources out there that advice you about how to approach and deal with your failures. All these blog posts are here to assist, facilitate you to be a better version of yourself. But at the end of the day, only YOU can make the change and no one else can. You are the ultimate controller/master of your own life. So train yourself and use your failure to be a better upgraded version of yourself. You are capable of standing on your two feet and if you are reading this, you are even more capable of taking that first step to change yourself. Change yourself, and you can change the world. I sincerely wish and hope that this blog post could help you to see a different perspective of yourself and others as well.
Stay true to yourself and if you have any further inquiries just drop a comment or please send to my email email@example.com.
These are some highly recommended books that could be explored, I hope that these books will enlighten and entertain you as to attaining a better understanding of your own life. If you have any other recommended books, please do not hesitate to put it on the comment below.
- Fail, Fail Again, Fail Better: Wise Advice for Leaning into the Unknown by Pema Chondron
- The obstacle is in the way by Ryan Holiday
- The subtle art of not giving a f*** by Mark Manson
- Who says you can’t do by Daniel Chidiac
- How to stop worrying and start living by Dale Carnegie
- Your forces and How to use them by Christian D Larson
Thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope you enjoy the blog post. 🙂
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