Making sense of your own life?

Who in the world am i? Ah, that’s the great puzzle.

(Madhatter: C.S LEWIS)

For the past couple of months, things have been very bleak for me. In November 2017, it was a normal day, as I was sitting at my office, and the telephone rang. As it rang, it woke me up a bit, and I felt a little unsettled by the phone call. As the telephone never rang, ever since I started the job in July 2017. I picked up and was fairly surprised by the caller, it was the boss from the second level. He called me, into his office. I walked up the flight of stairs, anxiously, heart beating a little quicker, as I approached his office. I knocked the door, and he said “Come in.” I stood, and he called me to take a seat. The air was a little bit tense, as he started off by asking, ” What have you been doing?” I answered softly, just the normal stuff, going through file and researching. So, you have not been doing anything xxx stuff? And i told him honestly, “Not really.”

Then he broke the news. Well, unfortunately, we just cannot foresee you to fit into our company, and we would have to let you go. I was sort of expecting that the call was a sign of trouble, and it was indeed as foreseen. My first response was “Why?”, then he told me, we just cannot seems to fit you in and you do not have the extra further qualification that we want, and I said, so that is the reason why? Because I was lacking that additional further qualification. Then, I asked, when do i have to leave? He said a month notice.


Two days down the road, I wanted to speak to my other boss, whom I was reporting to for the last couple of months. I wanted to tell him that i would prefer to leave immediately, as obviously the company did not see me of value and I was basically very much easily replaceable. And as expected, he did tell me that he had hired those with further qualification to replace me. At that point in time, I felt very much hurt and offended, and felt worthless. After knowing the news, I could not sleep and cried and balled my eyes out. I started questioning my existence in life, and what my worth is. That rejection felt extremely painful, and it went straight to my heart. That i realised that I was basically considered not good enough in the eyes of these people whom i worked for. Perhaps, I was not carrying myself well enough, whatever the reason was, I tried to make sense, day after day, i arrived to one conclusion, with the help of a very great and wise teacher. That these rejections will continuously happen, one after the other. In which it is true, I have decided to take on to apply the further qualification, and true enough, i have recently got the news that I have been rejected by three Universities. In this very thin line that I am hanging, I am just wondering and figuring and making sense of everything. But, i have also concluded that there isn’t any point of me making sense of every single thing that happened in life. I hope that 5 years down the track, I could give an answer to this little short story that i have written, and tell myself that it was worthwhile to be rejected and I hope that 5 years me, will be greater and stronger. But for now, I am still feeling very very uncertain of my own life and the future to me is extremely anxious. But, its okay, and if you are feeling like that, its okay. Its okay to feel confused, i believe, that one day, there is a day where we look back at our life, and we would say, all of these happened for a reason, and maybe there isn’t a reason to begin, life isn’t dictated by events, it is dictated by how you would want to live and see the world. Your mind is your direction. And going through pain is one of the lessons that EVERYONE has to learn. We need to rise and stand strong together.  I hope that this message will share a little insight of my current life status. Although, it isn’t very interesting. And truthfully, I am still very very confused, even at this age. I am yet to achieve anything, but i do think that all the pain that I had gone through, I am slowly recovering from it , patching up with a little bit of iodine, betadine and alcohol. I hope my heart and mind becomes a little bit wiser, and i hope if you are going through any sort of confusion in your life, that this little short story thought will give you some sort of enlightenment that, I am also a fellow human being going through that anxiety and unsettling present and future. 🙂


Take care and i hope to return some other stories to share.


Lots of love,

Duan Zeav


Thought of the Week.

As days passed by, you would realise that time is a very short thing, whilst you are still living, enjoy every moment whilst you can, although at times you might fall short or fell into the trap of the negative pool, take your time and acknowledge that it is alright that you are feeling negative, that is what being a human is all about. But, do not stay inside the negative whirlpool for too long, till it overrules and controls your life. Life is really really too short to be feeling negative about everything. In a blink of an eye, 2018 will come by, time will never stop for you. It only goes one way, so whilst you still have it, appreciate it. 🙂

Lots of Love,

Duan Zeav

Perseverance can make miracles happen…………..

This is a lovely blog post about perseverance by Kamal. If you are low in persevering your long or short term goals, drop by to Kamal’s blog.  It is a well-thought article about one’s approach in life :). Hope all of you enjoy.

Credits to: boundlessblessingsblog

Boundless Blessings by Kamal


An eight-old-child heard her parents talking about her little brother.  All she knew was that he was very sick and they had no money left for his surgery.  They were also moving to a smaller house because they could not afford to stay in the present house after paying the doctor’s bills.  Only a very costly surgery could save him now and there was no one to loan them the money.  When she heard her daddy say to her tearful mother with whispered desperation, ‘Only a miracle can save him now,’ the little girl quickly went to her bedroom and pulled her piggy bank from its hiding place in the closet.  She poured all the change out on the floor and counted it carefully.

Clutching the precious piggy bank tightly, she slipped out the back door and made her way six blocks to the local drugstore.  She took a quarter…

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Midweek Motivation

If you are looking for a midweek motivation post, to boost your motivation, this place is the right post for you. Thanks, Jacolene for such a lovely post.

Credits to: Jacolene, for such a lovely post.

Hey everyone!♥

I hope you guys have a great week so far. Today is Wednesday (for most of us) and it is the middle of the week, the weekend still seems so far away and you might be feeling like this week just won’t come to an end and it may be causing you to lose your motivation. There are many different factors that could be causing the fire burning inside of you to slowly fade away.

Whether work, school or college is taking its toll on you or you struggle to keep up with your workout routine and healthy habits or you just have zero motivation left for ANYTHING. So, I thought choosing a few motivational and inspirational quotes and words to share with you guys in the middle of the week, because this is the time most of us starts to get unmotivated, would be a good idea…

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Gratitude to all my followers

Dear followers,

You are a human like me, sitting behind my desk,  writing and blogging your thoughts away. I am amazed and feel extremely inspired the fact that all of you had actually made the effort to respond to my comment. Although, i do not know who you are, or what you do, or your real name or age. I really find that wordpress is an amazing online platform to connect aspiring bloggers and writers like us. That we have the same belief that writing and communicating a message through wordpress.  I am aware that there are arguments that say that technology is a distraction and it takes away people’s ability to socialize in real life. There is probably some truth to that, in that if you are using your phone or technology so much, that you forget to actually take the initiative to speak to someone or chat with someone about anything in life. However, ever since my discovery of this platform, i found it extremely intriguing and impressed that the online community in wordpress is extremely supportive of each other, especially all of my followers at wordpress. I am extremely appreciative and thankful that you all took your precious time to respond to my comment, whenever i drop at your comment below, and that you guys took your time to click the “Follow” button. All of you have been kind and thoughtful with your response. Thank you for the connection and i look forward to meet and read all of your upcoming blogposts. Keep up the good work and we can make it there somehow :). It would be great if you could drop by and look at mine too :). I would greatly appreciate it. 🙂

Whether it is a criticism or positive feedback, please do not hesitate to drop a comment on any of my work. It would be greatly appreciated. But till then, take care all of you. If you would like to request any particular topics or issues, advice or an insight of something in your life, PLEASE and by all means do not hesitate to contact me via

Lastly, Happy Monday.

Kind Regards,

Duan Zeav

A thought about freedom

Here I stand. In a state of confusion. I looked back and present at my life. Yet i am still frozen. Things just keep going in a loop, and i wonder when can i escape from their troop. Worries. Anxiety.  Stress. Sadness. Depression. You can name all the negative emotions. Living in that. Drove me crazy. I came to a realization, that its time to put a stop and forgive myself for the mistakes and failures that I had made. I found my comfort place. Behind these keyboard, i could truly express myself for being me. The sound of the keyboards, the emotions in me start transcribing words. It was amazing to find such comfort. The comfort for accepting myself and my inner critique, whom happened  to be called Sylar. Sylar had been quiet for the last couple of months, because i have accepted him as a person, and treated him as an equal. I completely abandoned him for the longest time of my life. I never bothered to care about his feelings at all. Healing his and my pain. Pain. probably the hardest hit in life. I think everyone could not agree more, that every one will do anything not to feel pain. But here I stand, as well as the rest of the other people whom had live and breathe. I once feared myself for making mistakes and victimize myself to be the smallest person. THAT. HAD TO STOP. From time to time, it comes back, and dragging myself out of that mental state was extremely difficult as a process.  I hope that you find your process as well, because freedom is not as easy as it sounds. Freedom from your own inner critique. Don’t keep living in your own flaws and mistakes. It is extremely normal to make mistakes. What matters, is you learn from it. Good luck fellow friends, i hope that your process and journey to be a fulfilling one.


Perhaps you could share your story to how you deal with pain? Please kindly drop a comment down below or subscribe with me for more stories about life.


Lots of Love,

Duan Zeav

Corporate culture

Description: An insight of working in the office.

High Rise Building, filled with crowd

Suits, Ties, and the black polished shoes,

So formal, but yet so artificial,

A building attempting to build perfection and robots,

Scan in and out,

Motionless and everyone in line,

Nobody smiles in the silent day,

The cold air, the serious face,

So many, but you feel less,

It will not get better,

It will just get worst,

Thousands get chucked out,

Hundreds stayed,

Our life is just like an ant to them,

Nothing that we do will ever touch upon them,

It is a building without feelings, and even the people they hired become one in the building.

Remember, Remember, And Remember.

You don’t have to be like them.

You can do better.





At a certain point in your life, you probably encounter situations like whether or not to pursue a degree, staying or quitting a job, start a venture in opening your own business, or some sort of life decision making situation.  I remembered as a child, i used to think i wanted to be a teacher, inventor or a creator. I was fearless and i did not let anyone’s opinion to affect me at all.

However, as i grew older, I became fearful and terrified of making mistakes, of failures. I was fearful that something will go wrong, and that I will end up regretting. I think, we can all agree that as we become an adult, we have responsibilities in generating some sort of income in order to sustain our livelihood. Even if that is the truth, just because I manage to secure a job somewhere, that does not guarantee anything at all. Because life is a roller coaster, it goes up and down, when you least expect it.

Perhaps, the decision to pursue your dream become an extremely difficult task because, you have to take account of others such as, your family, utilities bills, and your loan/debt; there is just a long list of things that you need to do, as a responsible grown adult.   Thus, a minority of people ended up not pursuing their dreams, because it just seems impossible. I am also one of those people, who went through the practical way, thinking that getting a degree would mean that I could secure a job that I will absolutely love.

Currently, I am working in a 9-5 job, where I thought that I could build a good solid work experience in the pursuit of my dream job, but that also turned out to be as different as expected. Staying a couple of months in this office had made me arrived to the final conclusion that life cannot be planned out totally and that I need to learn to be flexible with my own life. But, of course sometimes it may go according to your “ultimate plan.” Some may argue, perhaps your plan was not good enough, that is why you ultimately fail. (It could be true, I really don’t know honestly)

But, for certain I believe in that everything happens for a reason. Although, I dare not to say that my job is something that I am super duper passionate about, but this place had made me learn a few things about myself. I realized that Google is a great tool to use, there were so many resources out there that acted like my guidance.

I had managed to find people whom are great examples and leaders, their purpose in life is to inspire others. These people got me pondering, what was so different about them that I did not have. It was their courage, bravery, fearlessness, attitude, habits, and a firm belief. Because, they believed and envisioned to bring their dream into reality, and decided to follow their passion in life.

Work, became their happiness in life, rather than just a mere source of money. They never let anyone to hinder with their work, whether it being a criticism or positive feedback. They continued, move forward, and they have no time to brood over their mistakes and failures. Instead they used those mistakes and failures as their motivation to upgrade and improve themselves.

So, fellow readers, do not be fearful of your situation, it may not be what you wanted or desired, but it all happens for a reason. One day, you will look back at your situation, and think to yourself, those things happened because I had to be the person I become today. Be fearless and be in tune with your inner child. 🙂


Lots of Love,

Duan Zeav


We were young once,

All we thought were games and fun,

The roadside was our cloud nine,

It was really divine,

10 years down the track,

We grew up,

That was when I realised,

it was not about us anymore,

You started living like a king,

Enslaved us with your strings,

You thought we were blind,

We could see it everything fine,

What did we do to suffer this treatment,

What did we do to go through this punishment,

You shunned us in the dark,

You just really had to f**** us all up,

You continue to tear all of us apart,

Their hearts,

Their frail body,

Their vulnerabilities,

None of these, you had ever thought of it,

Then we made the decision,

To send you to the neighboring country,

The future is still uncertain,

Till the next time we will see,

For time to determine.

It all starts with you.

Ever felt like you are stuck in a loop ?

The time tick, tock, tick, tock,

You sat there thinking what you should do in your life,

Terror. Fear. Trapped. Gushes over you.

There was nothing you could do,

Your emotions took over you,

Little did you know,

That you have lost how you feel,

The world is cold and you received that too,

So all you could do,

Its to ignite the fire within you,

Then let the frozen be cool off,

And you can start feeling the warmth,

It all starts with you.