Self Respect

This topic is probably a topic of many millions of blog users out there. Before I start writing what self-respect is, let me share with you a little discovery about myself. I was a low-confident, lack of self-esteem, did not think I was perfect at all. But little did I know that, because of my thoughts, I really became my thought. I started doing things and putting up arbitrary limitations on myself. For instance, if there was a task at hand, if I considered it to be difficult, I would just not to do it at all. Because, of my mere thought of having low confidence in myself. And having this low confidence, means that I was very prone to being negative as a person. I will blame the whole world and lashing out people around me, for my misfortunes. One day, I realised this bad habit of mine. I wanted to change. I was sick of myself for brooding over all my misfortunes, failures and shortcomings. And I was being the most unrealistic person, thinking that I could go through life without making any mistakes and failures. I was chasing the wind, rather than focusing on how to make and create the wind myself. That could be using a fan, making a fan, fixing a fan, or purchasing a fan. This constant negative whirlpool has caused a shake in my mind, health and well being. It was extremely toxic and it sucked out the person in me. If you do catch yourself realising, this is what you should do.

 

  • Be aware that your mistakes and misfortunes do not change you as a person.
  • Be proud of yourself rather than obtaining others’ validation
  • When you make mistakes, it is okay, learn from it but don’t dwell on it.
  • Don’t get too caught up with your expectations, as expectations can be changed, it never stays the same.
  • Just because you failed, it really does not mean you failed life, you are still you. Failure is an event, not a human being.
  • Lastly, never give up on yourself, don’t belittle yourself, because you really have only yourself and you will live a long way to go with yourself. 🙂
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Its okay.

Are you listlessly wondering what you should do in your life? In the crowd of millions of people, you stand by there in a cross-road, not knowing, fearful of taking a step ahead and forward. What do you do when you are feeling so anxious, uncertain and fearful about your life. Not only that, things just don’t get better, when everyone around you seems to apparently have their life figure out, and your friends in social media appears to be living the life that they can get. Their smiles, that carefully filtered photo, their hot body, their followers. And you are there left at the end the corner, with nothing but a messed up hair and a puzzled heart, and just feeling utterly confused about your life. What is it called again?  Crisis.

Before your thoughts run wild, just like i did for the last paragraph. Pause. Pause. and, Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. My fellow friends, its perfectly fine to feel jealous, envious and probably you are brooding over how perfect other people’s lives are. But, nothing is as perfect as it seems. Nobody tells and shares with you their tragedy or their misery. Everyone wants some sort of validation from others, to feel good and great about themselves. Nobody wants to feel shit. But, that is part of life. To embrace the imperfections and to accept that such imperfections exist. The world is an imperfect place, and it can only be perfect as it can be, when you think life is perfect, boom something big happened to you, and you are just like, why does this have to happen to me? Ever had that moment? Everyone. Everyone in this world have had the moment. But, no one will be daringly honest enough to tell you its fine. Because, nobody else told them it was fine. So, this post is for all of you. You are perfectly fine the way you are, and even if you don’t know what you should do in your life. Believe, in  your life. Believe that things will turn out for the better, because it will, and it always will. Just be patient with your life. Pain can only lasts for a while, time will heal everything, in a blink of eye, we will all be 60, and in another blink of an eye, we will be old grandmas and grandmas and then your time in this world will come to an end.  Where i hope this post will become words of wisdom to all the fellow friends. This aim of this post will be your guide to keep reminding those that have and had forgotten that it is okay to be messed up and have a shitty life. Because that is what being human and living is all about. It is all about experiencing different things and coming out alive and positive about it. You will be your own change. Believe. Then you will find your way home, to your own true self. And if you don’t it is okay too. It really is. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Because, we only got ourselves to live with and when we leave this world, we only got our own soul to leave with too. Take care.

 

Lots of love,

Duan Zeav

 

If you have any inquiries or have anything that you would like to share in Logophile, please do not hesitate to contact me. I am looking and desire to meet people whom have words of advice that they could share via Logophile. It would be great to meet any of you who would like to collaborate. My contact details are on my stated profile. Looking forward to hear from any new Logophilers.

 

Credits for Photo:https://www.theodysseyonline.com/its-okay-to-change-your-life-plan

Happiness is within you.

What does this even mean? You probably have heard people said to you this line above. Everyone’s response to this line will always be different. But this is my respond here:

Happiness. This is a word that not everyone knows the answer too. Why do I say that? Many may say that happiness in life is money, fame and status. The truth is that is ONE version of happiness. Many may say I just want a simple life and stay near the woods with just enough to eat. And there are others who just say I just want to live life helping others. That is why I said, everyone has a different answer to the question “do what makes you happy.”

Fact in life, we are in this world where pain and suffering is inevitable. There is no way where we could truly be happy anyway. So why don’t we just accept that fact and just live and enjoy the moment whilst we can. We are so obsessed with being happy and because of this obsession; people chooses the path of eating drugs to experience that sensation over and over again. Is that temporal sensation, happiness then? Well, obviously to the drug users, it indefinitely is, but this happiness comes with a price along with it. The drug users will constantly need to purchase substance to keep up with their happiness. I mean sure, it is people’s choice in life. And I should really be minding my own business. But at the end, what do drug users consequently face? Why are they law and regulations that are constantly being implemented to control people in forbidding drugs? Because, drugs make you lose sight of you being humane. Some may end up killing another, or themselves. It really is the truth that, most of the time people who put these external substances that drastically change your hormones, the chemical in your brain, eventually your body will start losing your own function, and you no longer have full control of your mind and body.  But, why do people still do it? There are millions of reasons, and I am certain that people will always have reasons to justify what they do. They will justify it by saying but it is what makes me happy, what is so wrong to be desirous of such happiness? Is it worth it? If your actions mean losing out yourself and the people you loved? I don’t know. No one knows. ( this is purely just a hypothetical example and do not account to circumstances where people DID not have a choice and were forced or threatened to consume these intoxicants for whatever purposes.)

The only person that knows the answer is really you. Okay, so what is the point of the story anyway? The point is happiness is really within you. It is not from the outside, others, or external people. If you are happy, your views, and perspectives will similarly be happy. If you are sad, of course the outcome will be sadness. No matter how shitty your life is, there is always happiness in any shitty life. It is not optimistic to think like that. Because, the happiness lies within you and behind any happiness is the satisfaction and acceptance of your own life and the status quo of this world. The world has always been an endless world of problems. It never ends and it never will. There is always a tsunami somewhere in another country, someone on their last breath, someone whom got into an accident, someone eating and having a nice meal, someone typing a story (having a little hope that someone might read what she or he said), someone fighting for a cause, someone destroying a person’s life. I mean seriously, I think you all get the point and agree that there is this endless list problems, that not you and me can ever solve. We just hope day by day that we could use the time we have left in this world, to make the world a slightly better place. How do you do that? Just be a more kind and compassionate not only to others but also to yourself. It is really okay, seriously to make mistakes. If this was your last day really, would you spend your time, worrying about the insufficient amount of money that you had in your bank, or worrying that you cannot pay your utilities bills. You would probably be spending all your money away, if you knew this was your last day.   Mr Steve Jobs, the most respected and renowned pioneer of this era said this “If this was your last day of your life, would you want to do what you are about to do, today? “ Great statement isn’t it? Use this statement and apply it to your world.  The world is yours, conquer yourself and you can conquer the world

 

Credits for Photo:http://positivepsychology.org.uk/happiness-and-subjective-well-being/

Blank Paper

You are the nature of our daily living. It is because of your existence, that blank papers came about. Because of you trees, I was able to survive for the last couple of months. I know you live but you never had a choice to say no to people for cutting and slaughtering you down. You just let them chop you off, and that is how gentle you are as a living form of your own. People had taken advantages of you, but you continued to grow for the purpose of us. But we never had the chance to say thank you to you at all. If it was not for your existence, papers would not have come about. For the last couple of months, blank papers had been my only friend in this cold and depressing place. Blank paper, because you are blank and plain, I was able to fill up with my writings. The plain and blankness has given me the encouragement to write my emotions (whether it being sad, depressed, anxiety, happy, realisations) freely without worrying that I will be judged. I know you are an inanimate object, but just because you do not respond and reciprocate to my words, I am comforted by the fact that you are a piece of blank slate that allowed me to write on you without any requirements. The freedom for me to express had given me the courage and fearlessness and had enabled me to understand myself by quietly reflecting on my own person. You have given me the ability to record about everything without fear. If it was not for you blank paper, days would have been a lot harder. The freedom for me to write whatever I feel and think had made me realised what sort of person I am. You are a true friend, a companion and a buddy of my journey. Your silence had become a true reflection and mirror of my inner voice. The words that I have written on you will soon be a record and a passing memory for me to look back. Thank you, paper for being a place for me to express my inner self.  When my mind is puzzled, you have allowed me to write and ramble whatever that comes into my head without any hesitation. You are the comfort of my world. You were an angel in disguise for being a blank paper. You were the secret confidant that people never thought for. I have found a different joy in writing on you, my joy for words and writings had always been there. You made me discovered something new about my own self. Thank you.

 

You can be the next person to find your own  inner peace, you just need two tools: a pen and a paper. You can write all your worries, anxiety, sadness and happiness just in the paper.  The blank paper will not judge you at all. Be honest with your own feelings. That is the joy of writing.

Lots of love,

Duan Zeav

 

Credits for Photo:http://www.freepik.com/free-photo/blank-paper-with-travel-items-and-world-map-background_1064452.htm

Embrace yourself and you can embrace the world.

 

I was a typical person whom went through the academic education for roughly about 23 years.  I went to college, went to University to get a degree and graduated. However, after graduation I have embarked on something that i never put much thought to it, and never thought that it had led me to a place where I did not expect to be. I embarked in taking further study after my graduation, hoping that I could achieve my career goals. But that further study did not go as planned. For the last 2 years, I felt like my life had been on repeat and I was stuck in the same loop over and over again.

The first time when I opened the Internet and witnessed, I failed 7 out of the 12 modules, and only had passed 4 of them. I told myself, I can do this, if everyone could do it, I am able to do this. Then the second time, I tried, and when the time to reveal my results, I was anxious and scared, as I have had the thoughts of me failing the programme again. As expected, I only passed 2 out of the 7 modules. I was fortunate to be able to take it up for the third time, some may say it was, but to me I was living in fear. Then the third time came along, and again I only passed 2 out of the 5 modules.  I was left behind with all my friends who had reached their goals. I have watched them wearing their graduation gowns with their priceless smiles in the arms of their dear and loving family and friends. When I watch them on their social media, I should be feeling happy, contented and also sending them my heartfelt congratulations. But, I just could not. I can’t help but feel envy towards their success. I thought I was fine with failing? That was an upright lie, I was not fine at all, I started feeling hatred, anger, frustration, agitation, resentment towards my outlook in my life. I was driving myself crazy, for blaming myself for the constant failures and criticized myself for being the way  I am.

Subsequently, after realising that I did not achieve my goal, and then I embarked upon a new venture, I took up a job offer, thinking that I could make a real change in my life. That did not go as well as I planned. The purpose of taking the job offer was gaining real working experience. But little did I know, I was being ignored and not taken seriously for my lack of further qualifications. A typical day in the office would be staring at all four walls, and waiting for the time to tick, tick ,tick and hoping that every day will just end as quickly as possible. The next day comes along and the sun comes up, work has been on repeat. I found no purpose in my job, and really do not know how exactly do i fit in the office?

I was living like that every single day. Somewhere in me, I knew that living in that whirlpool had led to my own destruction. My mind was in a place of anxiety, dissatisfaction and unhappiness. It was a dark place.

What did I then do?

There was this inner voice inside of me whom had been knocking on me for a while, let us name her Layla. Layla had been telling me “Aren’t you sick and tired of your own emotions? Always brooding about your discontentment about your own life ? It really does not have to be that way. Everything that you are feeling and doing are all temporary. You are your own trouble and suffering. If you keep getting caught up with your own emotions, there is no space for other things to come in your life.

I took the time and courage to really listen to myself. I had a conversation with myself, which I had not done for a very long time. I never proudly look at myself and my own situation with an open heart. I have always been using the eyes of judgment towards myself rather than the eye of compassionate. I stopped listening to what I had to say to myself and kept listening and absorbing what others have to say about my life. I allowed people to dictate what my life should be rather than deciding on myself. However, there was no one to blame apart from myself.   I never put any effort into building confidence in myself at all. See the above string of thoughts? That is my state of mind, and that is the very reason why I did not manage to do what I set out to do. Because, I was so caught up with my own anxiety, frustration, agitation, anger, hatred rather than looking at my own self with honesty.

A word of advice to me and you

If only we just let go of everything and surrender to the present moment, the freedom to your own torturous emotions is just right in front of you. Take a breath, have a stroll and feel the sun. Be in one with nature, they have always been there quietly supporting you.

Our happiness begins on with our perception and thoughts. There are so much more than life than just a failure that occurred. True enough, you are “imperfect”, but the hard truth is that life is not perfect at all.  The starting point starts from changing our approach in our life. Trust your life process and the timing of your life.

 

Take care, and lots of love,

Duan Zeav

Credit for Photo: http://ecampus.hisvietnam.com/university/2017/09/21/his-world-fair/

Do you have bad memories? It is time to Let Go.

I am certain that many of us had been in the situation where another person has hurt and inflicted some sort of pain in you (emotionally and/or physically). We are living in a world filled with both kind and unkind people. So how you then respond or react to the unkind bunch of people? Do you hate? Do you dislike them? Do you hold the bitterness and anger within you for what they have done to you? Do you seek revenge or vengeance against these people? So that they get the same mistreatment as you do?

Answer: Let it go. Everyone deserves to feel the freedom of torture, pain and suffering. Why? Why? Shouldn’t they at least taste their own medicine?  Some may say that this is the most valid, logical and rational approach. But the other half would probably disagree with it. So, what should you then do? Ultimately the choice is yours. But, it is definitely wiser to choose to let go. As that is liberation from pain and suffering. Although, this choice is the more difficult choice and it will take time to heal that heart of yours, but have the faith that pain is part of the healing process. If you accept that pain, you will eventually see things that you haven’t been able to see, whilst you are busy with pursuing revenge, anger or vengeance that you think that you deserved. Because, you let go of this heavy load in your heart and mind, and things will feel so much lighter after that.

If you continue to live within the bad memories or in the past, you have put yourself in the prison of your own. The process of letting go includes letting the feeling happen and just slip by, be aware and mindful of it. But don’t try to work against it. Don’t try to rush the healing process, ie to find ways to forget the pain, by inducing on intoxicated substances. Try to be friends with your pain. You could even name your pain rather than its generic name. I refer pain as Sylar. Sounds like a villain name isn’t it? That is because in my eyes pain to me is like a villain, we always try to avoid, prevent, leave it somewhere behind us and ignore it. Some people try to forget it by taking drugs because they are not very honest and comfortable with their own pain. Recently, I have started this practise of speaking to Sylar in silent such as “Sylar, we need to talk, I know that you are there, and I am always trying to push you away further, I have always run away from you, but now I want to be your friend. You are part of me and I am also part of you, let us hear each other out and have a good conversation.” That is the first step of recognizing or identifying that Sylar exists, not to keep pushing, neglecting or ignoring Sylar all together. When you learn to accept Sylar, trust me Sylar will come in need of help. And as you experience more and more of Sylar, then you will come to learn and understand that Sylar is an important nutrient for you to grow as a person. You would also learn that Sylar has always been a friend; it is just that you failed to see or perceive it that way.

That is why it is hard to forgive. There is also this concept where people say “I forgive, but I do not forget.” That concept in itself is very contradictory, if you truly forgive someone, you would forget and let it be in a place where it had to be ‘the past.’ Of course, there are times where these bad memories will come creeping up when things aren’t well, but the difference is if you forgive and forget, you would be able to stop the creeping up to even happen.

Some may argue that letting is all bull.  Because, there are just some people who should never be forgiven for their actions. If you do not let go, and you dwell upon and seek vengeance for what the others had done to you, can you guarantee to yourself that you will feel satisfied and happy with the outcome?  Letting go is a healing process for yourself rather than others. Say for instance, that someone close to you had been murdered by someone, how do you then move on from that depth of pain? To truly letting go that this murderer has ever hurt your love ones. The truth is, it is extremely difficult to let go.

How do you then let go?

  • Acknowledge that unfortunate events and incidents happen to everyone and that is including both me and you;
  • Meeting someone nasty should and would not make your life hell, nasty people are the greatest teachers of our life, they teach and remind us not to be EXACTLY like them;

 

Conclusion:

You always have a choice in your life, and even though the world is filled with unkind or kind people, you can choose which you would want to be. People are mean, unkind and nasty for whatever reasons. It does not really matters what their reasons are, do not bother question. What matters is how you respond and react to the situation. Letting things go do not mean you are a weaker and vulnerable person. It takes a strong person to forgive and forget the whole incident. It takes courage to take a step back to be mindful to detach yourself from the situation and just go by living the best you can. That is really the mantra in life, let go, be free of your own pain and suffering.

Take care and peace out.

 

Lots of Love,

Duan Zeav

 

Credits for Photo: http://www.wakingtimes.com/2016/02/25/the-revolution-of-freedom-is-taking-place-in-your-mind/

A Learning Lesson from Daisy

Once upon a time, a young girl named Daisy, whom used to be an innocent, naive and highly sensitive as a person. She is 17 years old, had high hopes, expectations, dreams, and very much an optimistic person. She was a girl who never thought she fitted anywhere and found it difficult to find people whom she can speak eye to eye with.

One blue day, Daisy found out that she failed to obtain the grades to enter any University. She could not get into University at all with the grades that she had and was extremely puzzled, lost and devastated.  Daisy was really sad and really had no idea what to do with her life, so she approached a teacher. This teacher led her to a place where she never thought she wanted to be. When she spoke to this teacher, she started becoming clearer about her life direction. Thus, she left her current studies to pursue an alternative pre-university degree instead.

Daisy thought by embarking into this new venture would bring her a fulfilling career, and as said she does not know anything much about the world outside. There she goes, flying to another side of the world with a new hope, dream and having a vision she could achieve the things she could achieve.

First day, Daisy met a bunch of friends in her college and she was happy that she got along well with her friends. As they were all extremely friendly and helpful, Daisy was particularly close to the girl who sat next to her on her first day in class. Her name is Serenity. Daisy was also quite closed to also another boy whom spoke to her on friendly terms, named Lucas. Initially, Daisy did not think or dwell so much about them, as she did not really think of whether to judge what type of person they are.

The usual activities that Daisy, Lucas and Serenity do are to watch movie, hang out, and talk. Daisy felt really happy for the last couple of months and then things just took a different turn and Daisy never expected to see this coming at all.

 

BUT, one day Serenity decided to confront and shouted at her.  She took her into the common room and said to Daisy, do you know you have insulted my whole community, when you said the word “black movie.” It was like me saying that “all your people are stupid.” Then Daisy said “Well, if you were really offended with my comment, then you could have told me that you were upset with my comment, and I could have apologized, if I really were against your community, I would not be bothered to speak to you about anything and I never would have been friends with you.’ Serenity came out with the most ridiculous arguments that Daisy would never have thought, and Daisy realised that there was really no point in arguing with Serenity, as she already had the fixated thought of Daisy. Daisy decided to write an apology letter, telling her that she did not mean what she meant, however Serenity never really forgave her for what she did. Whatever it was that Serenity thought was offensive, and Serenity decided to distant herself from Daisy.

Lucas and Daisy

Let us talk about Lucas, he loved himself so much that every time he will look in the mirror to check out how he looks like. He is that vain, in other words you could call him a narcissist. But apart from that he was very easily tempered, cowardly, arrogant and full of himself. One of Daisy’s friends suggested that they should throw a prank at Lucas as they thought it would be funny. Daisy just followed and played along with it. They made an advertisement on Lucas’ fake information and stuck it on his door. Lucas is a type of guy whom likes to do the same exact thing if you do it to him. So in other words, he is quite revengeful for his own satisfaction.  So, Lucas decided to just target Daisy and made a fake advertisement. For some reason, things got out of control, and Daisy and Lucas got into a heated fight, where Lucas swore at Daisy      “ F*** you bitch.” That really snapped Daisy, and Daisy wanted to punch him and Lucas too. But the other friends stopped them from fighting.

 

Key of the Story

Things were never the same between Lucas, Daisy and Serenity. The friendship had irretrievably broken and it was no longer how it was used to be. The closeness, bond, laughter were all temporary and because of all these fights, Daisy realised that no matter where you are, there will always be problems and difficult people

This situation is like a well known Chinese proverb,  “The frog has always been living in the well, where all its life, it thought that the sky was the view of the small circle , but after it leaped out from the well, it realised that the world is much more vast than it used to see.” As, Daisy used to live in a secluded, sheltered environment, she never thought she would have met people like Serenity and Lucas. She just thought that if she treated Serenity and Lucas with sincerity, that feeling will be reciprocated as well. But, she realised she was too naive to have such thoughts. As the world is not only filled with nice people, but also really nasty people.  It doesn’t matter wherever you are; one is bound to meet challenging and difficult people. Most importantly, it is how you respond and deal with them. Then Daisy understood the importance of managing your emotions and realised that without the ability to manage your emotions, one would go crazy. She felt hurt, angered, frustrated and agitated with Lucas and Serenity. But little did she realised that she is the same as them, they expected her to know better, and she also expected them to know better. It all came down to self-egoism and pride, who was right and wrong. It was never about understanding each other. Just remember, never let angry people to affect you. Let it go and flow, your emotions are your own and never let other to affect your emotions, as that is self violating your self. Daisy’s lesson

If someone directs their full anger at you, what would you do ? If you have any comments,do share and put it on the comment box below. I hope that you enjoyed this post and look forward to all your comments.

 

Lots of love,

Duan Zeav

 

Credit for Photo: https://www.google.com.bn/search?biw=1196&bih=614&tbm=isch&sa=1&q=daisy&oq=daisy&gs_l=psy-ab.3..0l7j0i67k1j0l2.60004.60436.0.60546.5.5.0.0.0.0.92.343.4.4.0….0…1.1.64.psy-ab..1.4.343….0.hJktxoEHHpA#imgdii=_bHueUcaYnc3pM:&imgrc=sepWEUD4UVD3UM:

Dedication to Buddy

8th September 2017, (UTC +8.00)

Sitting behind the desk,

Looking at the four walls,

As the clock ticked,

A second, a minute, and the messaged “ring”,

Elle said, “Girl, i have got a bad news, your dog departed.”

I stared at the message, thinking that it was all a dream,

He had been sick for a while, he coughed, and had a hard time breathing on his own,

That mid- afternoon, little did i know it was the last time i had my last glance,

That furry and fluffy dog with his innocent eyes,

When i returned, he was lying there with his eyes closed,

His soul left him, and there was nothing that could stop death,

I knew he would have left, but yet i did not know it would be over so quickly,

I was happy that he had finally stopped his suffering,

But at the same time,  i yearned for the last departure and hoped that i could be with him,

But nothing could have stopped death from taking him away,

Cherish your moments, the hardest thing about having a pet is the goodbye and departure.

My condolences, Buddy.

You will forever be remembered as a friend in our heart and memories.

Even though you have left, we will remember your companionship forever in our hearts.

 

Duan Zeav

 

Credit for Photo:http://www.dogbreedslist.info/all-dog-breeds/Japanese-Spitz.html#.Wesc6xOCzp4

Failure. Do not fear.

This term, is almost a word of taboo in the society, people dislike this word. People are really afraid of this word, because of their inner egoism and pride. But, I hope that from time to time, we will remember that our life is not only about our failures, we are constantly growing as a person, even though you do not think or feel so. We are never the same person as yesterday, 2 weeks ago, or even 10 years ago. Failure is inevitable, and no matter how successful you are (whatever your definition of success means), nothing in life is ever as smooth as a straight road. There is no compass that tells you any direction you should take in your life. Although, there are various factors that could direct the compass, these are such as your family, friends and the people around you. They could advice, suggest or guide you what you should do, but ultimately the decision is still yours. No one or anybody should dictate how you should live your life. However, that does not mean being adamant about something. There is a subtle difference between adamant and perseverance.  I am strongly aware that it is not easy to completely sift out other people’s opinions, especially those that you care dearly. It definitely is not easy moving on with your failures and shortcomings, but I hope that through this piece of writing, it could facilitate those who are struggling at this moment. I am still and one of the victims of trying to move past my own shortcomings, and it really isn’t easy when at time you are just sitting in a quiet room with yourself, and you keep being reminded of your own past. Thoughts like ‘I should have tried harder’, ‘ I should have tried better’, ‘What went wrong’ , ‘Am I too stupid’ , ‘ Am I dumb’, all those negative emotions start kicking in like tsunami. This train of thoughts are literally unstoppable, IF you do not ACCEPT it. I rather not say ‘put a stop to it’, because part of your life learning exercise, is to analyse why are you feeling this way?  Know the lesson of critical thinking? Emotions and feelings are the same; you just need to use some critical thinking skills to approach the issue of failure.

Now let us begin:

Practical Approach

  • What is failure?

If you type out the definition of Failure, it means the “lack” of success that means you are short on something or an additional thing for you to reach to a successful stage. So, it literally means that. Perhaps, it is time to re-define what YOUR version of what failure means. It would be best not to impose other’s definitions upon you, as that will just annihilate you as a person and human being.

  • Manage your expectation:

Perhaps, you are now in a setback, and you feel like you are not attaining the expectation that you had set from the beginning, now you just need to adjust your expectation to your current situation.

  • Change your perception :

Approach the failure as a problem, rather than an incident, this will definitely change you as a person. No one really shares about their short comings and failures in their life, because it makes people vulnerable and weak. No one wants to look bad. Who does? As a fellow human being myself, I am also an accomplice to chasing this idea of “perfectionism.” When in truth, this idea is fallible, as there is no way a human can just live through life that easily, without going through pain and/or suffering.  We are only humans. Accept and be open to that as a human being, we are capable of making mistakes too.

  • Use failure as a tool to find better and improved solutions:

If you ever ponder why you failed, it just simply means that your method is incorrect and wrong to obtain a successful outcome. Analyse why did you fail, and what are the next steps that you could take in order to bring a better outcome.

  • Look at your failure objectively:

Take for example, if your fellow friend, family members or the others came to your for an advice, how would you advice them? Sometimes as human beings, we get so caught up with our problems that we lose sight of the solution to the problem. Problems are never as complicated as it can ever be, it is only complicated within the depth of our mind. Our mind is a strange thing, and it is capable of putting one in a maze. Our mind never seems to stop chattering away and it keeps creating problems over one another. So if you can, treat your problems objectively like giving an advice to other people.

Emotional approach

1) Do not be fearful, ashamed or humiliated with your failures:

Perhaps, you may have met people whom you know for certain would judge you for your failure. But if you think it deeper, no matter how successful you are, you will still be judged anyway.  So, why do you feel fearful, ashamed or humiliated? Failing is NORMAL. Although, there is nothing wrong with the judgmental people’s approach and if they feel that there is a need to belittle your shortcomings, let it be and let it go. Do not let their emotions take your right to feel good and be free of yourself.

2) You are on your own journey, not theirs so, don’t compare.

The trap of comparing yourself to others is extremely dangerous, because, you start living on others people’s standard of life rather than yours. You should REALLY be living your own journey, not theirs.  My name is Duan Zeav, and your name is perhaps Molly, Daisy, Tom, Dick or Harry. We all have different names, appearances, body size and characteristics. We do not live in some sort of homogenous and dystopian world where we have to live the same way, method to achieve a determined outcome.   How in the world can we possibly be living the same life and journey, attaining the same outcome? That in itself is an absurd idea.

Yes, some may argue that the accepted or respected concept is that you have achieved success associated in the forms of ‘money, status, and beauty.’ That could be the choice of their living expectation, but it does not necessarily have to be true to you.

I am not saying that you should laze your days away, not finding a solution for yourself to keep surviving and going. As the world that we are living in requires us to earn money in order to live on. The advice here is telling you to not put your mind, heart, body, and emotions into a whirlpool where you keep telling yourself, that you are not good enough.

Nobody is born great, and there are times you can blame your circumstances or your situation for it. But the change will not happen when you blame others for your shortcomings. Only when we actually accept and find a solution to our shortcomings, then we can be a better version of ourselves. So do not let one small event determine your whole life. It is your attitude and mindset that will bring you to a place where you never expected yourself to be in. Just enjoy the ride of your life.

Final note

Honestly.  There are many blog posts and sources out there that advice you about how to approach and deal with your failures. All these blog posts are here to assist, facilitate you to be a better version of yourself. But at the end of the day, only YOU can make the change and no one else can. You are the ultimate controller/master of your own life. So train yourself and use your failure to be a better upgraded version of yourself. You are capable of standing on your two feet and if you are reading this, you are even more capable of taking that first step to change yourself. Change yourself, and you can change the world. I sincerely wish and hope that this blog post could help you to see a different perspective of yourself and others as well.

Stay true to yourself and if you have any further inquiries just drop a comment or please send to my email duanzeav@gmail.com.

Resources:

These are some highly recommended books that could be explored, I hope that these books will enlighten and entertain you as to attaining a better understanding of your own life. If you have any other recommended books, please do not hesitate to put it on the comment below.

  1. Fail, Fail Again, Fail Better: Wise Advice for Leaning into the Unknown by Pema Chondron
  2. The obstacle is in the way by Ryan Holiday
  3. The subtle art of not giving a f*** by Mark Manson
  4. Who says you can’t do by Daniel Chidiac
  5. How to stop worrying and start living by Dale Carnegie
  6. Your forces and How to use them by Christian D Larson

Thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope you enjoy the blog post. 🙂

Credit for Photo:

Lost in what to pursue in your career?

To all the pre-university students,

A lot of you are probably now in the midst of exams or applying to go to College or University. Before embarking on this topic, just keep this in mind. “You really do not need to know what you want to do when you are 17 or 18 years old.” This is a perfectly normal feeling and/or sensation. Just because everyone else seems or appears to know what they are going to do in their life that does not mean that you are a loser for not figuring out what you want to do next.  It just means that they have decided to take on a degree that they will be doing for the next couple of years. That is it, literally.

This is an extremely hard topic to explore; even 80 years old probably could not answer this question, as all the decisions lie within “You.”  From time to time, people may give you advice as to what to embark on as your degree. The people are probably the social circle within your life. You will realise that whatever they say, at the end of the day, you are the ultimate decision maker. Not them. That does not mean that you should not speak to people at all. So what do you exactly have to do if you are feeling lost about what to do with your life after high school? Here are the following tips:

1) Get to know yourself:

How does knowing yourself help in deciding what you want to do for your University? For the past 17-18 years, you have been living under a fixed system, where you are exposed to a standard of subjects that you elected or compulsorily had to take. There was little time for you to get to know yourself better. How do you then start? First, start with your interests; I am sure you joined extra-curricular activities that you enjoyed doing. It could be debating, hockey, swimming, yoga and many more. Your interests are one of the indicators that demonstrate the type or kind of person you are.

 

Secondly, you could also explore on your strengths and weaknesses on your school subjects. Some of you were good in maths and science, some of you were good with your language, and some of you were good with arts. If you have an idea what and where your strengths lie, that is a very good sign as from there you can work out what kind of subjects that you would highly be interested in at University level.

2) Get work experience:

This can be considered a sub-topic of getting to know yourself, as by doing or gaining work experience would allow you to gauge the type of work that interests you. You could do as many work experience as you could. As, by doing something, you are bound to know and /or narrow what you like or don’t like.

  3) Take a gap year

If you feel stressed out or tired with studying, there is always an option with the gap year. However, that does not mean you do NOTHING AT ALL during the gap year. The idea of a gap year is a time for you to figure out what to do with your life. You could embark on short courses or preparatory courses to get a gist of a subject. If you are an art student, you could probably sign yourself up for graphic designs, porcelain making, clay making, and portrait drawings.

4) The web is your friend

Feeling a little lonely or just can’t be bothered to talk to anyone about your life? Do not worry. As we are living the era of technology, we can easily access information and/or resources online. Google, Chrome, Mozilla, and or Internet explorer becomes your best friend. Whichever, is your favourite or default explorer.  Research will give you a gist of the areas of subjects that you potentially might want to study will really help a lot in your decision making process.

5) Career / Motivational Talks

One truth about life, no one really knows what they are doing, everyone feels as equally as lost as you are. Just because you are 17, that doesn’t mean you are supposed to know what you are going to the rest of your life. You could always sign yourself up to career and/or motivational talks to help with deciding what you want to do. There is no harm in asking for help or signposting from others. You might meet some weird ones, but who cares, you only have one life to live, and you definitely do not want to live your life in that manner.

6) Lastly, it is really okay to not know what you want to do

Don’t worry about anything my dear friends; the world is your oyster. Live healthily and smile more. Do not compare your lives to others, think about logically. You have a different face, eyes, appearance and a name of your own. How would Molly be living the same life as Jane? That is just not possible. Take care of yourself.

 

 

Lots of Love,

Duan Zeav

 

 

If you have any inquiries, please do not hesitate to contact me.